Kẹo Hạt Điều

I just ate Kẹo Hạt Điều.

What the hell is that? Kẹo Hạt Điều or Cashew Nut Crisp, a product of Vietnam, is a crunchy, sweet candy distributed by Ho's Trading Company of Brooklyn, New York.

The candy came arranged in two small stacks of eight cashew clusters, bonded together with a drizzle of toffee and topped with a light sprinkling of sesame seeds. I initially thought the white layers between the clusters were part of the packaging, designed to keep the clusters from sticking together, but further investigation revealed that the layers were inseparable from the clusters and edible.

Kẹo Hạt Điều is similar to peanut brittle, but much less dense and not as sweet; the focus of this candy is squarely on the cashews. It was a lot easier to chew than peanut brittle (I never felt my dental work was jeopardy) and it wasn't as sticky. The white layers were the consistency of thin Styrofoam and tasted sort of like a communion wafer or the "cookie" part of Keebler Sugar Wafers.

Why did I eat this? I was in need of a snack, so I swung by Christy's box of crazy food, conveniently located in our dining room, on top of the unused puppy crate. The Cashew Nut Crisp looked as if it might possess the salty-sweet flavor I love, so I cracked it open. I couldn't detect any salt, but the crisp was still mighty tasty!

Live nearby and need a mid-sized, mint condition dog crate? Call me...

Satisfaction rating: 7

Fruit Chew TXT MSG Candy

I just ate Fruit Chew TXT MSG Candy.

What the hell is that? These fruit-flavored gummy bites--imprinted with emoticons and text message phrases, such as l8r, lol, qt, btw, and : ) - are sort of like gummy conversation hearts. A large box of Fruit Chew TXT MSG Candy was included in a package I received from my friend, Christy.

As some of you know, Christy recently visited 1st Oriental Market, one of the largest Asian markets in Orlando, Florida. She shared highlights of her trip in a Facebook photo album entitled What Kate Mighta Ate. While the album's title seemed harmless, the description made Christy's intentions clear: She was on a quest to find food--bizarre food--for me to eat and write about here. An Orlando courier was dispatched a day after her outing, and Priority Mail from Florida soon arrived at my doorstep.

After viewing Christy's photos, I was a more than a little nervous about what she might send. She has a wonderful sense of humor, however, so I knew it would be something silly, maybe a bag of crackers with a goofy logo or some fish-flavored candy. I opened the 20-pound package and realized immediately that I had grossly underestimated Christy's dedication to this project. The box was packed with all kinds of crazy Asian food items: crispy wafer rolls, mixed bean crackers (with dried anchovies), a can of peanuts with soup, cashew nut crisp, rice candy, chewy taffy with a peanut butter center, duck-flavored noodles, a can of seasoned cockles (?), aloe vera dessert (?!), "Wee Glee Gum," and more. The print on many of the labels is in Chinese, so there's really no telling what's inside!

Why did I eat this? The picture on the Fruit Chew TXT MSG Candy box looked like something I might not hate and the ingredient list, printed in English, gave no indication that the candy would kill me. (I don't know what cockles are, but they definitely sound like a substance that could be toxic if cooked improperly.) Plus, Cassie and Ellie, lovers of all things gummy, were dying to try it. The candy was very fresh and soft when we opened the box. Ellie, our resident fruitarian, loved it; Cassie responded with a noncommittal shrug and admitted that she really only wanted to play with the text message phrases. I ate a few and thought they were okay, but I really don't care for gummy candy. It was difficult to discern any difference in the flavor of each color; it all had a vague citrus taste.

I've decided that the best way to conquer this box of peculiar food is to start with the most innocuous-looking items and work my way down. Much more food from Christy to come, but don't expect a seasoned cockles post anytime soon!

Satisfaction rating: 1

Chocolate Lab Chocolate

I just ate a Chocolate Lab chocolate bar.

What the hell is that? It's custom-made milk chocolate I created in "Planet Chocolate," a hands-on Chocolate Lab workshop offered at The Hershey Story museum.

"Planet Chocolate" was highly entertaining. The session began with detailed information about where and how cacao beans are grown, as well as how they're processed and made into chocolate. (Carl miraculously refrained from asking a zillion questions, though I know it was killing him.) Then, we donned oh-so-fashionable aprons and hairnets and prepared to make our own chocolate bars.

We poured pre-melted Hershey's chocolate into individual three-by-five-inch plastic molds, and added our choice of cacao nibs (roasted pieces of hulled cacao beans), cinnamon, and/or crushed red pepper. (Cassie reluctantly refrained from licking the inside of the empty chocolate pitchers, though I know was killing her.) We each decided to add all three ingredients to our bars, which surprised me because I thought for sure the kids--especially picky Ellie--would skip the red pepper.

Why did I eat this? It was delicious! Hershey's chocolate is my all-time favorite - suck it, haters! - and as the base for this bar, it did not disappoint. I was a little skeptical about the crushed red pepper, but it was very subtle and added an interesting warm sensation to the bar's flavor. The cacao nibs tasted like crunchy bits of unsweetened chocolate and the cinnamon, while faint, provided an exotic hint.

We devoured our custom creations at a table in Café Zooka, a small eatery located just outside the Chocolate Lab.

Satisfaction rating: 10

Tons of Hershey's Chocolate

I just ate TONS of Hershey's chocolate.

What the hell is that? We found these Hershey's Kisses lined up on our beds - four at the foot of each comforter - when we returned to our room at the Hershey Lodge after spending the day at Hersheypark. There was another row of Kisses along the base of the television. It was as if a chocolate snail had broken in, made the beds, folded the towels, and left a trail of silvery treats in its wake.

Why did I eat this? As if I had a choice! The town of Hershey, PA is all about chocolate. We'd been there before, but since we had never stayed in one of the hotels owned and operated by the Hershey company, I was amazed by how deeply candy permeates the entire experience.

It was no surprise to find plenty of confections made with chocolate (more posts on that to come), costumed Hershey's characters roaming around the hotel, and, of course, every variety of candy manufactured by the Hershey Foods Corporation available for purchase in the gift shop. What I didn't expect, however, was the chocolate-infused shampoo, conditioner, and moisturizer in our room; candy at every occasion (Checking in? Have some Twizzlers! Missed the family bingo game? Take these Reese's!); or the chocolate aroma that's piped into the ATM machine alcove in the hotel lobby. Holy crap!

After two days in Hershey, the stench had become somewhat nauseating, and I was relieved to walk through our front door and discover that the house did not smell like chocolate. Still, the box of Hershey's Golden Almond bars in my suitcase beckons...

Satisfaction rating: 10