Kẹo Hạt Điều

I just ate Kẹo Hạt Điều.

What the hell is that? Kẹo Hạt Điều or Cashew Nut Crisp, a product of Vietnam, is a crunchy, sweet candy distributed by Ho's Trading Company of Brooklyn, New York.

The candy came arranged in two small stacks of eight cashew clusters, bonded together with a drizzle of toffee and topped with a light sprinkling of sesame seeds. I initially thought the white layers between the clusters were part of the packaging, designed to keep the clusters from sticking together, but further investigation revealed that the layers were inseparable from the clusters and edible.

Kẹo Hạt Điều is similar to peanut brittle, but much less dense and not as sweet; the focus of this candy is squarely on the cashews. It was a lot easier to chew than peanut brittle (I never felt my dental work was jeopardy) and it wasn't as sticky. The white layers were the consistency of thin Styrofoam and tasted sort of like a communion wafer or the "cookie" part of Keebler Sugar Wafers.

Why did I eat this? I was in need of a snack, so I swung by Christy's box of crazy food, conveniently located in our dining room, on top of the unused puppy crate. The Cashew Nut Crisp looked as if it might possess the salty-sweet flavor I love, so I cracked it open. I couldn't detect any salt, but the crisp was still mighty tasty!

Live nearby and need a mid-sized, mint condition dog crate? Call me...

Satisfaction rating: 7

Grilled Asparagus and Zucchini

I just ate grilled asparagus and zucchini.

What the hell is that? Sliced zucchini and asparagus spears, basted with sesame oil and cooked on the grill. My neighbor has been quite generous in sharing her bumper zucchini crop this summer. She hands one off to me whenever I see her, sends some home with the girls when they visit, and occasionally wedges a plump squash between my front and storm doors.

This particular zucchini was enormous, probably weighing about a pound-and-a-half. The thing sat on the kitchen counter so long that Carl volunteered to grill it up. (If Carl's offering to cook something, you know it's been in the house too long!) Given its size, I expected the zucchini to be really seedy, but it wasn't; it was perfect - and more than enough for our entire family. Ellie doesn't eat yellow squash, but she loves asparagus, so I threw some on the grill for her.

Why did I eat this? Grilled veggies were an easy dinner side dish that provided a healthy respite from all the candy I've consumed lately. While I usually prepare vegetables with olive oil, the sesame oil I brushed on these added a delicious Asian flair.

I know you're all anxiously awaiting additional reports about the items in Christy's crazy food box, and they're coming - I promise! I'm photographing food as I eat it and the veggies shot was in the can and ready to go. So, as usual, you'll have to suffer through some vegetables before you get the good stuff.

Satisfaction rating: 7

Fruit Chew TXT MSG Candy

I just ate Fruit Chew TXT MSG Candy.

What the hell is that? These fruit-flavored gummy bites--imprinted with emoticons and text message phrases, such as l8r, lol, qt, btw, and : ) - are sort of like gummy conversation hearts. A large box of Fruit Chew TXT MSG Candy was included in a package I received from my friend, Christy.

As some of you know, Christy recently visited 1st Oriental Market, one of the largest Asian markets in Orlando, Florida. She shared highlights of her trip in a Facebook photo album entitled What Kate Mighta Ate. While the album's title seemed harmless, the description made Christy's intentions clear: She was on a quest to find food--bizarre food--for me to eat and write about here. An Orlando courier was dispatched a day after her outing, and Priority Mail from Florida soon arrived at my doorstep.

After viewing Christy's photos, I was a more than a little nervous about what she might send. She has a wonderful sense of humor, however, so I knew it would be something silly, maybe a bag of crackers with a goofy logo or some fish-flavored candy. I opened the 20-pound package and realized immediately that I had grossly underestimated Christy's dedication to this project. The box was packed with all kinds of crazy Asian food items: crispy wafer rolls, mixed bean crackers (with dried anchovies), a can of peanuts with soup, cashew nut crisp, rice candy, chewy taffy with a peanut butter center, duck-flavored noodles, a can of seasoned cockles (?), aloe vera dessert (?!), "Wee Glee Gum," and more. The print on many of the labels is in Chinese, so there's really no telling what's inside!

Why did I eat this? The picture on the Fruit Chew TXT MSG Candy box looked like something I might not hate and the ingredient list, printed in English, gave no indication that the candy would kill me. (I don't know what cockles are, but they definitely sound like a substance that could be toxic if cooked improperly.) Plus, Cassie and Ellie, lovers of all things gummy, were dying to try it. The candy was very fresh and soft when we opened the box. Ellie, our resident fruitarian, loved it; Cassie responded with a noncommittal shrug and admitted that she really only wanted to play with the text message phrases. I ate a few and thought they were okay, but I really don't care for gummy candy. It was difficult to discern any difference in the flavor of each color; it all had a vague citrus taste.

I've decided that the best way to conquer this box of peculiar food is to start with the most innocuous-looking items and work my way down. Much more food from Christy to come, but don't expect a seasoned cockles post anytime soon!

Satisfaction rating: 1